


Sunflower

by FairyLights101



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 22:31:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyLights101/pseuds/FairyLights101
Summary: “It’s okay,” Eita hummed. “Want to let me in?”“Wanna give me a kiss?”





	Sunflower

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous said to fairylights101writes:  
> 14 and iwasemi ,,, i shouldn't give you my favourite ships, but oh well :d
> 
> 14\. “You’re so determined to protect yourself and your feelings, but what about me?”

Eita glared at the mirror, red-rimmed eyes painfully obvious. “Stupid,” they grumbled as they opened their makeup kit, rummaged around and spilled things onto the counter. Concealer, color-corrector, eyeliner, shadows, and more. Anything to hide the signs of sleepless nights and too many hours spent sobbing alone as they tore at their skin, desperate to be free, trapped painfully within. 

It was a quick application - they were far too practiced at burying the remnants of the agony, and all too soon that pretty little façade was back, eyes lined just a hair more than natural, brows filled in nicely, lips overlined ever so slightly - and, best of all, none of that damn redness or those dark bags lingering behind. 

Satisfied, they stuffed a smaller bag with a few products - just in case - and slipped out into their bedroom. It was messy. Too messy for comfort. The descent back into depression - if they’d ever left in the first place - had been swift and sudden, dragged down by vicious, cold hands, black and blue ones that clawed at their legs, curled icy fingers around Eita’s mouth, smothering them in tides of despair. And they dressed it up, buried it beneath pretty clothes and makeup and a fragile smile, all while the hands tightened. Their fingers brushed across their aching thighs. They smoothed their sweater out. Took a breath. Stuffed their makeup bag and other necessities into their little backpack and walked out of the apartment with a call to Hayato, who yelled back to have fun. 

There were eyes on them as they walked, but Eita sucked down a breath, paid them no mind as they moved, long legs eating up the distance. Despite the weight on their chest, it was impossible to not feel the flutters of excitement that wormed their way past the crushing ache of emptiness.  _ I can’t wait to see him.  _ Hajime had promised a good night in - his own roommate, Tooru, was out of town for the weekend to visit their own partner, and it meant they’d have the place to themselves. For two whole days. It left Eita trembling with nerves, but they strode on.  _ Too late to back out now.  _ Too late to somehow find a way to rewind time, to undo the mistakes that had riddled the last week and left those frigid hands clenching tighter on their neck as they drew pain from Eita’s legs, hands. 

Eita’s steps faltered, but they sucked down another breath and continued to march on. Hajime’s block came up blissfully quick, and from there it was an easy climb up to his apartment on the third floor. They knocked. Leaned back on their heels, fingers tangling together in front of their stomach as they bit their raw lips, nerves climbing up, leaving their heart thumping a little too hard, sweat making their palms clammy. They hastily rubbed their palms on their skirt. 

A lock turned and their head snapped up as Hajime pulled the door wide open, hair damp and a radiant grin on his lips. Water trickled down his chest, tracing a path along the twin scars on his chest, along the tattoo that spanned the lower half of the right side of his ribcage. Eita smiled. 

“Sorry for the-” Hajime gestured to himself with an apologetic twist of his lips, “I lost track of time in there.” 

“It’s okay,” Eita hummed. “Want to let me in?” 

“Wanna give me a kiss?” 

Eita rolled their eyes, but they closed the distance, slipped an arm around Hajime’s waist, and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth before they pulled back, were confronted with a radiant grin and even brighter eyes. Hajime chased after them for another kiss, and then a third, and then he finally leaned back, hand trailing down to Eita’s to tangle their fingers together and pull them in. “Lemme go put a shirt on. Don’t snoop around - there’s some things for you I didn’t have time to hide and-” 

“Hajime… are those flowers?” 

There were brilliant yellow sunflowers on the kotatsu in the living room, cut enough to fit into a beautifully simply vase. Pale blue irises and daisies and white flowers they didn’t know the names of sprung out amidst the bold yellows, softening it all, mellowing down the explosive brightness. Beside it was a box - familiar because Eita frequented that bakery far too often, the sweets too good to resist, especially with such a sweet tooth. And, on top of that, was a giant stuffed cat, orange, no limbs to speak of, a tail curled around it. 

Eita slowly turned to Hajime, fingers slack in his, as Hajime smiled sheepishly, a flush creeping up into his cheeks. Eita swallowed. Found a smile wobbling to their lips as they leaned in, kissed Hajime gently as they swallowed back tears. “They're beautiful.” 

Hajime smiled, shy and sweet, and shrugged. “I wanted it to be a surprise… I'm just bad about it.” 

“It still means the world,” Eita whispered against his lips. 

Hajime grinned. “Go sit down. I'll make you tea.” 

Eita nodded, smiling faintly, and they moved to the couch, sank down. Hajime bustled around in the kitchen, going through teas, and Eita cast a glance at him before they reached forward, ran their fingers along the flower petals. They were soft under Eita’s fingers, delicate, and they pulled back, hands uncertain.  _ So beautiful.  _ But they didn't deserve the flowers, the beauty, the kindness - they weren't worth the effort, the time, the money. And Hajime needed to realize that. 

Their hands tangled together and Eita shook their head.  _ Stop that. Just try to not be a downer for once.  _ But it was hard, especially with that dark chill that flexed around his throat, eager to be acknowledged. Almost impossible to ignore. Even when they were surrounded by Hajime’s scent, by his presence, his sounds, his voice, it was hard. But they swallowed it down, pressed cruel fingers to aching thighs, and focused. He’d had the TV playing a show, something about monster hunting that Hajime liked to talk about, but Eita could never remember the name of. 

“Eita.” 

They turned, already smiling, and found Hajime over their shoulder, one mug outstretched towards them. “Thanks,” they murmured as they reached out. 

“Careful, it’s-” 

Eita snatched their fingers back from the scalding mug, eyes already widening as it tumbled out of Hajime’s grasp. They couldn’t move, frozen, as it fell to the floor. 

Connected. 

Shattered. 

Send ceramic shards and hot tea  _ everywhere _ as they jerked back, eyes clenching shut, body going tight. Eita swallowed. Couldn’t. Found their throat thick and uncooperative, barely working as a familiar tightness rose up, carrying a painful burn.  _ Not now. Why now?  _

Eita listed back, one hand to their mouth as they bit their tongue, other hand closing around the edge of a cushion. Hajime’s eyes widened and he was beside them in a moment, hands fluttering over their limbs, but not touching as Eita shuddered, a gasp punching out. It was all they could do to hunch in on themself, chest heaving, barely breathing as sobs punched their way out, left them trembling as tears poured down their cheeks. 

Hajime’s fingers brushed them, but Eita shook their head, pulled themself in tighter, hands dragging through their hair.  _ No, no, no. It’s not supposed to be like this.  _ It was supposed to be okay, supposed to go without a hitch. Movies, cuddling, kissing, dinner, sleeping over. Not panicking in the first five minutes over an accident. One that made their chest heave because-  _ I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve  _ any _ of this.  _ “S-s-sorry,” they choked out as trembling fingers shifted, exposing the floor beneath them. splattered with tears and tea and white shards. “I-” 

But the words were swallowed up by a failing voice, another sob that burst out and left them pulling all their limbs in, trembling as they sucked down a breath and clamped down on it. Their heartbeat pounded through their skull. White noise filled their brain, but through that they could hear the faint voice through the static - “You’re okay Eita, I promise. It’s okay. It’s-” - before they were swallowed up once more. The breath trembled out. They forced another one down. Kept going until they were still, only their hands trembling, eyes burning, ears hot with shame.  _ Stupid. Stupid, why are you so fucking stupid?  _ They pried themself from their knees, resolutely glaring away from Hajime as they pressed the sleeve of their sweater to their eyes and dabbed, a little too rough. 

“Eita?” 

Their eyes snapped over. “I’m fine. Sorry. I’ll clean this up.” 

Hajime’s head cocked to the side, eyes far too soft, so much that it nearly made them start sobbing again as he reached out, fingers brushing across their knee. They were warm. Eita had to bite their tongue and force themself to not flinch away. “You’re not fine,” he whispered, voice soft. “You’re so determined to protect yourself and your feelings, but what about me? Why is it different for me? I can talk to you all day about my problems and you don’t say a word, but as soon as it’s you, you try to brush it off. Eita… that’s not okay. You’re not fine. And sometimes you need to admit it, because when you get like this… when you get upset and shut me out-” Hajime shook his head, tears shining in his warm green eyes, and Eita’s chest hitched, fresh tears filling their eyes. 

“I’m just… scared,” they whispered. 

Hajime’s hands crept up, found their hands - then slipped further up to trace the all-too obvious scars. “You have every right to be,” he said softly, “But you can’t shut people out forever. You need to talk. Because if you keep bottling things up and holding everyone at a distance, it’ll only hurt everyone involved.” Eita bit their lip. Nodded. Hajime smiled. Rose and kissed their forehead. “Go wipe your makeup off and clean up. I’ll handle this.” 

“Okay…”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me some comments and hit me up at [tumblr](http://fairylights101writes.tumblr.com/)


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